Breaking the Silence by Donna M. Kshir & Sandra Dawn Potter
I know when it began, but I don’t remember exactly why.
I remember the first time he laid hands on me like it was yesterday. I thought it was happening to someone else and I saw myself as a bystander on the outside looking in.
I can still envision him marching towards me and the look of anger that consumed his face, clenched teeth and the hatred that filled his eyes. Everything happened so fast.I never saw it coming. I couldn’t believe that it was happening to me or maybe, the more I think about it, I just didn’t want to believe it.
When his heavy hand slapped the side of my face it felt like a lightening bolt from the sky forced me off my feet and onto the kitchen floor. I laid speechless on the cold kitchen tiles, holding my hand against my hot, stinging cheek, as pain filled my head.
I knew he was speaking to me, but I never heard one word he said. I laid there dazed and confused and unable to concentrate. I focused on his actions as I was totally consumed by his punch. He snapped and he lifted his leg up and kicked me in the stomach. I rolled over into a fetal position in pain rocking back and forth. All I could hear was him screaming at me and telling me he was going to beat the shit out of me.
He reached his arm out and there was nothing I could do. I felt frozen in time and was paralyzed by fear. He grabbed my arm forcefully and abruptly pulled me to my feet.
He placed his hand around my throat and pinned me to the wall. When I asked him to stop he squeezed my throat, harder and harder, as he lifted me off the floor until my feet were dangling in the air.
I remember the panic I felt when I realized I couldn’t breathe and I began kicking my feet to try to free myself. I don’t know where I found the strength, but my foot hit him in the groin and he dropped me to the floor.
The second I hit the floor I started running for help, but it was a bad move on my part and I didn’t get very far before he chased me down. I laid on the living room floor afraid to move, afraid to speak and, honestly, afraid to breathe.
We stayed in that position for what seemed like hours. Getting hurt was the furthest thing from my mind when I first met him over summer break at the end of my sophomore year.
How could this have happened? Why is this happening?
He was so cute and fun to be around. Within weeks I was madly in love with him and the two of us were inseparable. I couldn’t wait to spend my days with him, but he’s changed since then and now all I want to do is get away from him as quickly as possible.
Now I was laying on the floor with blood trickling from my lip. I could feel my eye swelling shut and my vision was blurred. I was scared and shaking uncontrollably.
I waited for him to calm down and then I asked if I could use the bathroom. When he finally granted me permission I ran for the bathroom door and locked myself inside.
I sat alone on the bathroom floor with the weight of the world on my shoulders. I cried out loud knowing he could hear me, but didn‘t care. I was completely humiliated.
I didn’t want to admit or believe what had just happened to me. I’m so ashamed that this is happening to me. I know I should tell someone, but who?
I Was A Teen Abuser by Donna M. Kshir & Sandra Dawn Potter
The contents of this book are meant to represent my feelings and my motivation for telling my story. It is my sincere intention to not play the role of the victim, but, instead, to tell my story, my feelings, and my pain as I explain how I allowed myself to become physically abusive to the girl I loved.
I want others to know there is hope for people, like me. With proper counseling, there is life after abuse.
My hope is to help others who have experienced, or at least been in a similar situation, as myself. I want them to know there is help available, but more importantly hope. If we allow ourselves to admit what we did, why we did it, and accept the fact that we need help to stop our abusive behavior, we really can live a healthy, productive, abuse-free life with the woman we love.
After the July 16, 2005 incident with my ex-girlfriend, Nicole, I was arrested, served three days in jail and forced to face a family-court judge, the Honorable Robert Mathers. Judge Mathers would sentence me to six months of counseling with Macomb County, Michigan therapist, Robert Mackey, and placed on two-years probation.
If I did anything to break the terms of my probation I would be forced to serve the remainder of my time behind bars. Jail was the last thing I wanted so I swallowed my pride and went through with all the counseling sessions.
My initial thoughts were how is this guy going to help me? I don’t need help? There’s nothing wrong with me. It was her fault. If she had kept her mouth shut I wouldn’t have become angry and hit her. She’s the one who needs counseling to learn how to treat a man, right?
I was convinced counseling was going to be nothing more than a waste of time.
Boy, I couldn’t have been more wrong.